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| this blog is going BYEBYE!
i MAY start a new one...unsure...
mmm...if i make a new one and u want it...leave me a comment asking for iT....But i want to thank yous all for supporting me...for trying to cheer me up and make me feel better about myself...i do thank yous very much...till i start IF i start a new one...i wish you all the best...thank yous...
MSN: stuckinabarbiesworld@hotmail.com
AIM: barbwire030789
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| FACT: im bi
and i like a chick...yet im in love with my bf...i hate these situtations...She's a gorjaz girl, good looking and great personality...she rings me to just to say "hey" i want her so bad, but i cant...but thats a dream thats just to far away...ive cheated on toby already with another girl and he was pretty upset...and his offered for a 3some...but there not right, well not to me anyway...im so confused dont know what to do...  | | |
| Sarah and My convo today...
Me: "hey little one...nice drawing is this your stuff"
Sarah "hey na it's Brookes"
Hug each other
Sarah: "Jess"
Me: "yeah"
Sarah "if i ask you something, can you be honest with me"
Me: "yeah of course"
Sarah "go like this" *Put's wrists out*
Me *puts left wrist out* Sarah looks.
Sarah "other one"
Me: "puts right wrist out"
Sarah "whats happened?"
Me: "there only scars, there my past"
Sarah "but why, you know you can trust me"
Me: "yeah...just my past thats all"
Sarah "do you still do it?"
Me "once every blue moon"
yes, that was my morning with Sarah...She's so gorjaz that little girl...beautiful in many ways not just her looks...shes gorjaz also in her personality...ive found that in alot of people at this school...its great =]
our group had a pretty good talk at lunch lolz...it was weird because no one really says anything but today...for some reason we were just talking about random things...lolz...that shall stay between our group...lolz
my sleeping has gotten to the point im ready to kill myself 7 fucking weeks and ive been up and down up and down...ill wake up from the dream cry for an hour spend another however long to go backt o sleep and awake another hour or so later...im sick of this its driving me mad! however last night i had two dreams, the usual Abby one...but then...i had one mum and me were fitting so i walked to Peggys house and her mum was so frantic going "we have to get her to the hospital" and i left a trail of blood to Peggys bedroom where i laid on her bed and her mum was still going "we have to get her to a hospital" im really thinking about getting sleeping pills...and thats srs bc im scared of drs...i wouldnt go to them if my life depended on it but its to the point im getting so stressed and so drained by 1pm/2pm...
walked with Pj this morning...things seem to be kind of looking up for him...his now living with a mate...and seems to be enjoying it...im glad his happy he deserves it...his more of a father to me then my actual dad.... | | |
| going gym tomorrow ive been sick lately so havent been must go tomorrow if not someone kick me in the head...
i have another busy weekend planed...FRI im either in geelong for the geelong show, or with Nick and Peggy =S im not sure...SAT: gym at 3:30 then going out with Manoli and Peggy...SUN: with Toby for our day...mums going to crack it again =[
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can't stop crying, i know for you guys it may seem like nothing...but i only see Toby twice this week, yesterday and Wed...to me thats a nightmare...
Sun: our anni so we were together
Mon: he finished work late so couldnt make it down
Tues im at the gym
Wed together
Thurs: gym
Fri: geelong show, OR with Peggy and Nick in the city
Sat : day his work, when he finishes i go to the gym then his working that night and im out with Manoli and Peggy...
i hate when i dont see him much, we fight a hell of a lot more and its a nightmare it all...
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The ‘emo’ alphabet
A IS FOR ALONE, and always complaining how im just that
B IS FOR BRACELETS, that hide the scars on my wrist
C IS FOR CRYING
D IS FOR DYING my hair black
E IS FOR EMOTIONAL, and exaggerating everyone that i have
F IS FOR FLOORPUNCH
G IS FOR GLASSES, preferable thick black rims.
H IS FOR HEART break, boo hoo
I IS FOR INTESIVE Pain i feel from ur unrequited love
J IS FOR JILTERED lover
K IS FOR KISSING,
L IS FOR LABELING yourselfs
M IS FOR MOOD swings
N IS FOR NEVER having friends that care about me
O IS FOR 'OLD the old 80s look
P IS FOR 'PICKED last in gym class’ and any other clichés of the sort
Q IS FOR QUESTIONING myself worth
R IS FOR REMEMBERING the times when things were wonderful, and then crying about how much my life sucks
S IS FOR SWEATERS
T IS FOR THRIFT stores
U IS FOR UNDEVELOPED muscles, because you have! To be out of shape, one way or another to be emo
V IS FOR VEGANISM
W IS FOR WHINING about how everthing is so terrible, and your parants make six figures cant buy you the love that you want
X IS FOR X-Girlfriends AND X-BOYFRIENDS, and talking about the pain they brought me
Y IS FOR YOUR miserable existance
Z IS FOR ZOOMING in with my camera because im a photographer | | |
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...came home relaxed for a while...then went out with Peggy picked Boni up from the vet...[Peggys gorjaz cat!] mmm...went to starbux, then went to crown...wondered around...sat out side and our imagination went wild and we were going on about a peer or something lolz floating away to tazzie...it was a good story...because at least we would have gotten outta here
...mmm,,,then we went inside got drinks food and stuff then went n sat in the lobie...and yeah a scary man came up to us lolz...but oh well...mmm...then what 
umm cant remember lolz...then yeah got choc with alch in it lmso...and yes came up with our plan lolz...then her parents picked us up and we went for coffee then i just got in and im bummed
im so tired so im off to bed...night night